Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that this anniversary was our best ever. I mean, we didn’t do much to celebrate it, what with my recovering from Monday’s surgery and the whole I-hate-being-away-from-my-baby thing, but the reason it was so significant was because this past year has been our best ever. Good things and bad things have happened in our lives, but that has nothing to do with why this year was good or bad for us. This year was good because we were good. Our relationship was good. It was better than it has ever, ever been.

The years 2009 and 2010 were very, very rough relationally. I didn’t think we’d make it through. I was actually 100% sure we would not. But, somehow, only by the grace of God, we did. We’re here. And we’re not just here, we like being here. I might even say we love being here, but that word is still growing on me. (Wounds, man. They are still healing.)

The here and now and good did not come easy. We hit rock bottom and then we kept going and then we went down a little hill and then we got hit by a bus. And then a semi. And then we were sprayed by a skunk. I think you get the picture.

So, with nowhere to go but up, we started from scratch. It was very slow going, as we had a lot of hurt to work through, and sometimes I wanted to throw in the towel, but I’ll tell you that it was worth it. We’re not at a place where we get along perfectly all the time and there’s never a disagreement ever, but does anyone ever get there? We’re both doing our best. Fighting for a common goal.

If you’d told me six years ago the journey our marriage would take, I probably would have run away screaming. But here, now, six years in, I’m glad I didn’t. I kind of like it here.

I was going through some boxes in the storage room a bit ago and came across a yearbook of mine from elementary school. For the longest time (I won’t admit to how long) I could not figure out what the word “avisible” meant. I never thought to ask anyone, I just assumed that was what they wanted to name the yearbook. I’ve got it now, though, don’t worry.

I will admit to a few other things I used to be confused about. When I heard the term “keyless entry” on a commercial, I’d wonder why they called it “key of the century”. Was it that special of a key? The key of the century? That no other key would ever top until the next century?

I also used to think that when a topical medication had “external use only” on it, it was only to be used under the most dire circumstances. If those circumstances included a very external emergency. I’m just going to go ahead and blame this on my sheltered upbringing, because that’s what people do, right? Blame everything on their parents? (Just kidding, mom and dad.)

The last thing I’ll cop to right now is the “at” sign. This one: @. I used to use it to mean “around”, not “at”. It makes sense, right? It’s an a, surrounded by a circle … so … a-round? AROUND? No? It means “at”? Huh.

Noah made quite a bit of fun of me when I admitted to these things. But that’s okay, because he can’t drive a standard and I can. SO THERE.

Noah took yesterday, today, and tomorrow off so that he could be with the kids and take care of me for the first couple days. He was pretty stoked about this, as he is one of those guys who would make a great stay-at-home dad. He cleans, he does dishes, he does laundry, and he absolutely loves caring for his baby (and the other two).

I was asked by two different nurses if there was someone who was staying with me, and it made me kind of sad I had to be there alone, but I have a lot of anxiety about leaving my baby, and there’s no one else I’d rather leave him with than his dad. So, company and anxiety or loneliness and peace of mind? I’ll choose the latter every time. And, I didn’t have much sitting around waiting kind of time, so it really wasn’t so bad.

When the surgeon came to meet with me, we had this little conversation as he was going over the consent form with me:

“… and don’t do any heavy lifting for a week or two.”
“Is 23 lbs okay?”
“Twenty-three pounds?
“That’s how much my baby weighs.”
“Well, maybe get him to crawl to you.”
“He doesn’t move yet.”
“How old is he?”
“Almost seven months.”
“A 23-lb seven-month-old? Maybe you should get some help for the first little bit.”

He and the resident seemed to be quite shocked at the size of my little guy. I say “seem”, because I had already taken my glasses off and could not see them. I couldn’t see the consent form either, which means that I took his word for what was on there and then signed my life away.

The nurse checked my height and weight from the pre-op form and asked me, “Were these stated by you or did they weigh you there?” WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, LADY? Then, when I was on the table with the doctors and nurses and anesthesiologists, the doctor asked me how much I weighed. READ MY CHART, MISTER! Now everybody knowwwwwws. But, when the surgeon called Noah to tell him how everything went, he said something like, “Well, there are two things we like to see, someone who’s thin and a good-looking gallbladder. It’s a good thing your wife is thin, because her gallbladder was quite inflamed.” Thanks, doc.

I don’t remember much after “this is going to make you sleepy”. When I woke up, I was offered toast and accepted it. It took me a long time to eat that toast. For one thing, I kept falling asleep, mid-chew, and for another, my mouth was so dry that I had to take a huge gulp of water just to get a small bite down. It was quite annoying. I think the surgery took longer than it was supposed to, or maybe I just took a long time to wake up, but the nurse originally said that I might be out of there at 11:30am. But, when I looked at a clock for the first time after waking up, it was already 1:00pm. I didn’t ask many questions, though. It was done and that’s all I cared about. I’d heard horror stories about the hospital I had my surgery at, but everyone was so kind and funny and I can’t think of anything that could have gone better.

(My proofreader/husband told me, after he read this, that the surgeon called him at 9:10 to say he was finished and give the report, which means that the surgery was quick and my waking up was not. Apparently I was tired.)

Recovery has been … okay. I’m sure it would be a lot easier without kids, but I kind of like having those three little goobers around. Twice today while I was laying in bed feeding Preston, he kicked me in the belly button, where my most painful incision is (I have four). I had thought that laying in bed to feed him would be the best, as it hurts too much to sit up and feed him, even with pillows, but maybe there just isn’t a best way. I put a thin pillow between him and my belly after that, and that seemed to be alright.

I can’t lift Preston and that has been really hard on me. I have to let Noah get him every time he needs to get picked up and although Noah is awesome with him and Preston loves his daddy, I feel quite useless. I’m very independent and I like to do everything myself, so relinquishing control has been difficult. I even got to have a babysitter on Monday night. Noah took the girls to swimming lessons and I wasn’t supposed to be left alone or left in charge of a child, so Russ, my father-in-law, came to look after me and Preston. He was paid in baby snuggles.

Noah is taking the morning shift tomorrow and my friend Chris is coming over tomorrow afternoon and Thursday. She is being paid in Nutella and coffee. I like to take good care of my babysitters. As of right now, I’m walking like an old lady, I’ve been wearing the same shirt for nearly 48 hours, and I can’t shower until Thursday, at the earliest. My poor family.

I left Preston with Kami while Kaylie and I went to the funeral, and while we were gone she got some super-awesome shots of Preston. I really love this one:

She took one of me, too, and she likes it. She made me smile. Forcibly. It’s funny how I took a look at the shot she took of Preston and instantly I was like, “I love it! It’s awesome!” and then I took a look at the one of me and I was like, “meh”. This is not because of her photography skills, but of my inability to like a photo of myself. But, she got quite a few comments on it when she posted it on Facebook, so I’ll just take her word for it that I look half decent in it.

We stayed the night with Kami and woke the next morning to find snow. Lots of it.

We had such an incredible summer and a beautiful fall, that I didn’t cringe at the sight of snow. It’s November, snow is okay now. But, I was not stoked about it because we had to drive home that day and we have not put our winter tires on yet. Stupid, I know. We made it, though, but it took us five hours to do what is usually a two-and-a-half-hour trip. The kids did so well. Kaylie takes pretty great care of Preston and read him his Chicka Chicka Boom Boom book about a thousand times. The dude likes books. And his big sister.

I’m currently sitting on the couch while my family sleeps. My surgery today went really well, and the T3s are taking care of most of the pain, but I’m having a hard time sleeping, so here I sit, typing to you. I have stories about the day, as usual, but I will tell you them tomorrow, as I don’t think my brain can compute any longer. And I think my baby just woke up.

As of right now. Or now. Or … now … I’ve worn my hair down for two whole consecutive days. This may not seem like a big deal, but I never wear it down for a whole day, much less two whole days. I purposely didn’t bring a hair elastic with me to Regina. Just to torture myself. I’m self-destructive like that. I don’t know why I do things like this to myself. And I don’t know why I feel the need to tell you. And I don’t know why …

I have to cut in here with a break, though. Noah just said to me, “I tracked your phone today.” Um … ? I traveled home with Kaylie and Preston today on the worst roads I’ve ever driven on. It took me five hours to do a two-and-a-half-hour trip. So, that is why he was tracking me — to see how far I was — because he was worried about us driving on the roads and wanted to make sure we were alright.

It got me thinking, though, that’s really creepy. I mean, we installed that Find My iPhone app so that we would be able to find our phones if we should happen to lose one again, but still. Is it weird that I’m weirded out by the fact that he can see where I am at any point at any time? I mean, I spend 80% of my time at home, and 20% of my time driving Noah to work and Kaylie to school and Liliana to school and picking them all back up afterward, and there’s nowhere else I go, much less anywhere I wouldn’t want him knowing that I go, but still.

In reality, though, I very highly doubt he would check up on me, and if he did, he’d have to be really really bored and he wouldn’t be able to see if I was on the couch or if I was in the kitchen sneaking chocolate chips, mixing them with marshmallows, and stuffing my face with them (I really miss doing that) (not that I’ve ever done that before) — he’d only be able to see that I was at home. Or at Walmart buying more chocolate chips. Or is there an app that allows one to see through another one’s iPhone camera without their knowledge? I think I need to find some duct tape and cover those things.

Anyway, now that you know how neurotic I am, I’ll tell you that this weekend was bittersweet. Saying goodbye to a friend who lived a too-short life really sucks. But, seeing a friend who is a very pregnant with a very-long-awaited baby is pretty awesome. (You looked great, lady!) One life ending, one life beginning. I guess that’s how life works, doesn’t it?

I get really confused every time I go to Regina, and every time I come back to Saskatoon. I’ve never done an in-province move before. In the past, I moved from BC to Alberta to BC again to Saskatchewan to BC again to Saskatchewan again. This moving-two-and-a-half-hours-away thing is really throwing me off. I ran into someone at the funeral on Saturday and I was confused as to whether I knew her from Regina or Saskatoon. We chatted and it all came clear, but then I said something about Circle Drive when really I meant Ring Road and I couldn’t remember my name anymore. Where do I live? Where do I know you from? Where am I now?

Am I rambling? I’m procrastinating. My much-anticipated surgery is (finally) tomorrow and the way I see it, if I don’t go to bed, tomorrow cannot come. Right? If I don’t do the things I need to do before tomorrow morning, then tomorrow morning will always be tomorrow morning, right?

I’m kind of nervous about tomorrow, if you hadn’t noticed. I just took the battery out of my camera when I meant to take the memory card out and only noticed when the battery wouldn’t fit into my card reader. Um. I think I will put you all out of your misery now and just go to bed. Wish me luck.

2. a bedtime snack

3. a friend with a kid my kid’s age who likes Star Wars

4. sharing equipment

5. the knowledge that my friend is no longer a woman of faith, but a woman of sight

Grace in Small Things is a social network that Schmutzie created to wage a battle against embitterment.

8:30am Drop Kaylie off at school.
8:45am Get back home.
9:00am Baby falls asleep for his morning nap.
9:05am Kaylie calls from school saying something about vomiting everywhere.
9:06am Wake baby from nap.
9:20am Pick Kaylie up from school.
9:35am Get back home.
10:05am Finally get baby back to sleep.

Kaylie had her hand slammed in her (heavy) classroom door (by accident) and the pain was too much for her. She couldn’t calm herself down and ended up getting sick. At her desk. She claimed that everyone made fun of her, but when I questioned her a little more, it came out that it was just one boy and that the rest of the class was very kind and stuck up for her. I took her home anyway and she spent the rest of the morning on the couch.

By early afternoon she was feeling better, so I left Preston with her while I took Liliana outside to the garage to load up the van with baby items to return to Anna when we go to Regina this weekend. I taught her how to send a text via the computer (we don’t have a home phone – only cell phones) so that she could let me know if she needed me, you know, like if Preston was crying or if someone was bleeding. It’s hovering around 0C/32F here, and I didn’t want to make her go outside with Preston to get me, nor did I want her climbing down our stone entrance steps holding a baby.

This is the text I received from her:

EMERGENCY!

A couple hours later I went back outside, leaving Preston with Kaylie again. This time I explained to her that she could watch TV if she wanted (as long as Preston was her #1 priority) and to only text me if there was crying or blood.

That’s better. I mean, not that Preston was grumpy, but, you know, it’s a little more emergent than Mega Mind. Preston decided to skip his afternoon nap, so he was a little grumpier than usual today. I’d let Noah deal with a cranky baby, but I’m not going to subject a 10-year-old to it.

Who wants to wager a guess as to how long it’s going to be before Kaylie needs a cell phone?

(I told her that she could have one when she could pay for it herself.) (I also told her that she could get a tattoo when she turned 18.) (Don’t tell her Grannie.)

Like most of my Saskatchewan friends, I met Laurie through our blogs. She was so welcoming to us when we first arrived in Regina — she invited us to the church she (and soon, we) attended, she introduced us to friends, she recommended the school that we sent Kaylie to, and she babysat my girls for the first month we were there until we could find permanent care for them. She made our adjustment to a new city/province so much easier.

She was on mat leave with her son the first year we were there and I was hoping that when she returned (to teaching) she’d be Kaylie’s teacher (she’d taught grade 3 and Kaylie would be going into grade 3), but since she went back part-time, she was not. I was disappointed, as I knew she was a super-awesome teacher, but she assured me that the teacher Kaylie ended up with was equally as wonderful.

The last time I saw her was right before we left Regina. She made sure that I got to meet her beautiful brand new twin girls, and that I had the blessing of holding one teeny girl in each arm. I was reading through all our Facebook messages back and forth and smiling because she was always so helpful and thoughtful and generous and was probably the only person who could tell me what to do and have me listen. She sent me a big box of boy baby items right before Preston was born and wanted a big fat nothing in return. She always had encouragement for me. Even when she was in the midst of her cancer treatments, she’d comment on my blog or Facebook posts.

I’m heading to Regina this weekend for her funeral, something I wish I did not have to do. When she was first diagnosed back in May, I just assumed she’d make it. That’s what we all want to assume when someone gets that horrid news, right? I rejoiced when she announced that her cancer was in remission and was devastated when she said that her time here on earth was limited. I am clinging to the fact that she knew the Lord and is now healed and with her Maker. She wrote these words, right around the time I first met her:

That being said, death for me is not scary. What is frightening though is the thought of someone experiencing a loss without the hope and understanding of Christ. In the Bible, God never promises that life here on earth will be easy and pain free. It is quite the opposite. He does promise that He will always be with us. He also promises that this “worldly” life is only one part of our living and that our life is eternal. So with earthly pain and suffering, comes the hope of never being alone and this not being the end.

(Thanks for linking to that post, Jill.)

She was greatly loved and she is and will be greatly missed.

Anyway, if I’d known of a good friend who wanted to photograph a birth? I definitely would have invited her. And this is why life lists should be public, so that you can say, hey! I can help you with that one! And now, I will write mine. You know, just in case you want to fund one of my other-side-of-the-world trips. I tried to make it as realistic as possible, meaning that there is nothing about bungy jumping or sky diving or scuba diving because those things will NEVER HAPPEN.

1. run a full marathon
2. get a piece of writing published in print
3. find something I like about winter
4. own a home
5. beat Tetris
6. solve a Rubix cube
7. take my kids camping (real camping)
8. travel to a third-world country and help in a tangible way
9. finish reading Les Misérables
10. visit every province/territory in Canada
11. shave my head
12. re-pierce the tragus part of my ear
13. get a literary tattoo
14. learn to use all the buttons/dials on my camera
15. bake a perfect, fluffy loaf of bread
16. watch every episode of Star Trek
17. walk on the Great Wall of China
18. turn my blog into a book (not to sell, just to have on paper)
19. learn to speak Dutch
20. be debt-free
21. plant (and tend to) a garden
22. go back and get a black belt in TaeKwonDo
23. play the saxophone well
24. read the Bible from cover to cover
25. read the complete works of Shakespeare
26. visit an Irish pub (in Ireland)
27. set foot on all seven continents
28. attend a blogging conference
29. create a font
30. host Christmas
31. write a book
32. make a photo wall
33. meet every one of my bloggity friends
34. do a stand-up comedy routine (in front of people)
35. see the pyramids
36. get paid to write Here!
37. sky dive
38. ride a horse (by myself)
39. learn to play guitar
40. own a piano (again) (and learn to play it better)
41. have an entire room dedicated to books (so … a library)
42. take a bike trip to the Queen Charlotte Islands Haida Gwaii
43. volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy centre when all my kids are in school
44. take a photo every day for a year
45. tour a brewery
46. unplug my TV for an entire month
47. learn to make jam
48. take a photography course
49. go to NYC
50. see a Broadway musical
51. go on an unplugged vacation
52. learn CPR
53. ride a camel
54. learn the origin of/meaning behind 100 phrases/cliches
55. rent a house boat
56. ride an inner tube down a river
57. deliver a baby
58. fit back into my wedding dress
59. learn Photoshop
60. transfer all photos to digital
61. go paintballing
62. swim in the Dead Sea
63. tour a winery
64. have a pink mohawk (even just for a day)
65. act in another play
66. complete an Ironman triathlon
67. learn how to can/jar stuff
68. run a half marathon
69. take the kids on a service trip to a third-world country
70. get a dog (and like it)
71. renovate a bathroom
72. visit the Louvre
73. design a t-shirt (and wear it)
74. join a book club Harry Potter!
75. secretly give someone (who really needs it) $1,000 cash
76. speak at a blogging conference
77. spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square
78. sleep in an igloo
79. milk a cow
80. go back to Holland
81. print and put into albums photos from 2005 on
82. get a degree
83. own (and have a place for) a hammock
84. have my vision corrected (laser/lasik/whatever that is)
85. go on a vacation with each one of my children, just him/her and me
86. see the northern lights again, this time with my kids
87. grow my hair long and put it in dreads (and then do #11.)
88. buy Noah a Christmas present that is not on his List
89. go through the storage room boxes and get rid of everything I don’t need
90. learn to play poker
91. do a vlog
92. go on a vegan/gluten-free/sugar-free diet for a month
93. ride in a limo
94. visit the homes of all my siblings
95. learn to light a fire without a match
96. be able to do a chin-up
97. develop a photo the old-fashioned way
98. nurse my baby for more than a year I did it!
99. go to a Patriots game with Noah
100. cure cancer
101. park the van and take public transit for a month *added 11/3/11

I’m feeling all apathetic and depressed today, for reasons I can share with you later, and I was tempted to just say, I DON’T CARE! and blow off Day One of this NaBloPoMo thing, but I knew I’d regret it, so I’m here to bring you down to my level with run-on sentences.

You see, though, there’s this little boy who lives with me who has the ability to brighten my day in seconds. He doesn’t even have to do anything. He just has to be. And I just have to watch.

There are things happening in November that I am excited about — blog-type things and life-type things and I know the month will get better. Today, though, I am going to let myself melancholily (that is so a word) sit around and watch my baby discover what noises his lips can make and how long he can play with the remote before his dad takes it away.