***

There was the most incredible sunrise this morning. I will never, ever tire of Saskatchewan sunrises. This morning it looked like the sky was on fire — pink fire. At one point on my morning commute, the tallest city buildings were framed perfectly in the middle of the brightest part of the sunrise, as we viewed it from across a large field. I could sit there all morning and watch, although I’d be freezing cold and I’d probably get some weird looks as I sit there in my lawn chair in the middle of winter.

***

Noah had a super-awesome day yesterday for three very important (to him)(and therefore to the rest of us) reasons: (1) he’s part of fantasy hockey league (that he runs) and he is winning this week by quite a bit, (2) his Penguins won, and (3) his Patriots won and are on their way to the Super Bowl. He didn’t think that all three things could happen in one awesome day, but they did.

That last item is good news and bad news. It’s good news because the Patriots are in the Super Bowl, but it’s bad news because it’s a repeat of the 2008 Super Bowl in which the Patriots played the Giants and lost. And Noah had to watch them lose in front of a dozen of his man friends. He didn’t cry. On the outside. He’s going to his parents’ place to watch the Big Game, and I’m glad that he’ll have his mom around to celebrate with or to console him. (I’m not known for my sports sympathy.)(Although I will be watching the game.)(With ladies and babies.)

Also, I got some footage of Noah watching yesterday’s game and it is comedy GOLD. (Yes, Eric, I am sending it to you.)

***

I read this post from Ali this morning and I laughed out loud. She wrote about being a blogger with non-blogger friends and it is rad.

***

Miss Liliana has a really hard life. I was talking to my mom the other day and asked Liliana if she’d like to talk to Grannie. “Yea, then I can tell her about my bad life.” Bad things always happen to Liliana, like that time that Kaylie had Silly Putty (Silly Pudding, according to Liliana) and Liliana didn’t, or that time when she had to get dressed AND have breakfast and that was just too many things to do, or that time that Kaylie had the Lego ladder first and that JUST WASN’T FAIR, or when her beautiful artwork has to be removed from her wall, or when Kaylie asked for a foot-long Subway sandwich and Liliana flipped out because she didn’t want a foot sandwich, she wanted a peanut butter sandwich.

And sometimes she just likes to double-check things. “No one ever takes my brains away, right Mama?”

***

I added a 2012 Book List page up top there because one of my 2012 resolutions is to read 52 books, one for each week of the year. At this moment, I’m on Book Four and it’s the fourth week of January, so that’s good, right? I’d love some recommendations, though. I don’t think I read a single book last year and that is just not right. I’m reading the Harry Potter series right now, but what should I read next? What is your favorite book? What book do you think is a must-read?

Now I just need to pay off my library fines and I’m good to go.

Daddy’s teams are playing today.

It’s currently 2-2 in the second period of the Penguins/Capitals game, and the Patriots playoff do-or-die game starts in just under an hour.

Daddy’s a little nervous, but maybe his Little Patriot can help calm his nerves.

(If calming his nerves is even possible.)

“Poison.”

“You thought that up pretty quick.”

“I saw it on Bones.”

“Would it be quick or slow?”

“Probably slow. Or maybe quick. I have to think about this.”

“You kind of scare me, you know?”

“It would be an untraceable poison.”

“And what if you didn’t use poison?”

“I’d off you and then just get rid of the body. No body, no murder.”

“But you can’t lift me. I’m too heavy.”

“I’d cut you into pieces.”

*shakes head*

Blog posts can’t be used as evidence, right?

“Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”
“Cue the mouse!”
“I’m here, I’m here, the mouse is here!
“What’s the bowl for?”
“So you can see that I am not stirring. Note the hand never touches the spoon.”
-A Muppet Family Christmas

1. The parents of Liliana’s Sunday School class were told of a little performance the kids were doing after the service Sunday. Noah and I went upstairs right after the service and waited while the younger class did their thing. Liliana’s class then filed on to the stage. Liliana decided that her BFF Nathanael was in her way and hip-checked him. He would have fallen off the (foot-high) stage had a SS teacher not been right beside him.

You’ve seen that scene in Home Alone 2, right? The one where Buzz lights up Kevin’s ears during his school concert solo and then Kevin knocks over the entire choir? I couldn’t find the scene by itself, but you can see it in the first part of this clip:

Liliana totally pulled a Kevin McCallister. I’ve compared her to various fictional characters in the past — Dennis the Menace, Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes, the Tasmanian Devil — but this is the closest we’ve come to an exact replica. Except that Liliana is a girl. Anyway, here is her Sunday performance:

She’s the one who can’t keep still. She’s also the one who tells the other kids at the end, “Stand up again!” So helpful, my girl.

2. Preston wants to do nothing but stand. Except when he’s demanding that you help him walk. Or jump.

Or play with Christmas ornaments while attempting to pull the tree down on himself again.

Which is why we re-introduced Baby Jail.

3. We decorated gingerbread houses last week and for the first year I can remember, I let the girls eat them almost right away. Usually we let them get all dry and crusty and dusty and we pick the candy off and throw the gingerbread out. Not this year.

I picked the village of gingerbread houses so that maybe it would keep the girls from bickering over how one gingerbread house was decorated. Kaylie’s friend Abby helped out as well.

4. Noah and I spent quite some time this evening talking with this kid.

She’s dealing with some of the crap that I did at her age and it kills me that I can’t just *poof* solve all of her problems. I know, though, that teaching her to deal with her problems will benefit her much more than if I solve them for her. It just sucks seeing your kid in pain.

I’m glad, though, to have a partner in this parenting thing. I didn’t find single-parenting that difficult — I mean, it was still single-parenting, but Kaylie was an easy baby and a super-fun toddler. This whole parenting-a-pre-teen thing? Hardest thing I’ve done in my life. The in-laws were right when they said that the easy part is over. I’m thankful I have someone very unlike me to share parenting challenges with.

She’s such a great kid, though. She’s smart (her last report card was perfect)(literally)(I’m bragging now, aren’t I?), she’s witty, she knows the right time to roll her eyes at Noah or Russ, she cares about others’ feelings, she makes wise judgment calls. But, she’s also 10, and sometimes I want to send her to her Grannie for a month like I did when she was three.

(When she was three, she and I were living in Caronport, SK and my mom missed her terribly. So, when Nick and Teresa got married, Kaylie and I went to the wedding, and she flew home with my mom while I flew home by myself. I picked her up when I went home for Christmas. It was the worst month of my life. Noah tells me now that I was not a very nice person while Kaylie was gone. Well, DUH, I missed my baby! She was well taken care of, though, obviously, and she even came back completely potty trained!)

5. I got a rare shot of Liliana and Nathanael earlier today and I wanted to share it with you. It’s not blurry! They’re both looking! They’re smiling!

(Nathanael is the son of a good friend of mine.) Don’t they look adorable and innocent? Looks can be deceiving. (Although they are cute.) I’m pretty sure that no kid ever EVER has had as much energy as these two do. They are so hilarious and fun. And frustrating. I’m glad they have each other. They fight like siblings, tattle on each other, and get really sad when they have to part ways.

6. DID YOU SEE WHAT MY HUSBAND DID?

It’s one of those things where guys are like THAT IS AWESOME! and the womenfolk are like THAT IS CREEPY! Kaylie and Liliana love it and I … well … mustaches aren’t my favorite. Noah loves it, though, and I think he should shape his facial hair any way he likes. As long as he’s okay with me not liking it, which he totally is.

7. I’m doing a bunch of Christmas baking on Wednesday with a friend of mine. Since Noah is constantly asking me (nicely) to do Christmas baking (I have done some, not a lot), he is quite looking forward to Wednesday. And so am I. Noah’s more of a fan of the things his mom made when he was growing up, but since his mom lives a mere six kilometres away and Noah feels an entitlement to whatever is in his mom’s freezer (much to his dad’s dismay), I’m making WHATEVER I WANT. Ha! (I may tease Noah about being a mama’s boy, but in reality I’m hoping my son is a mama’s boy, too.)(So far, he is.)

8. Did you know that Christmas is only six sleeps away? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

Kaylie and I barely made it home on time, but with 15 minutes to spare, we did make it. She went right to bed, and I got ready for bed and walked into the living room as the clock struck midnight. Noah was there with his egg nog, ready to press play on the first Christmas song of the year. I went to bed, much to his dismay. He’d wanted me to stay up and decorate with him, but midnight was already three hours past my 9pm bedtime and I was exhausted after spending 3.5 hours in the ER with Kaylie.

Over the following days and the weekend, we unpacked all the Christmas boxes and put up most of the decorations. The girls were stoked to decorate their rooms.

The last thing we did was put up the tree. We put up our fake tree, much to Noah’s disgust. We wouldn’t be able to get a real one for another week at least, and he didn’t want to wait that long. The more Christmas for Mr. Christmas the betterer. Noah did most of the other decorating, but left the tree to me and the girls.

Noah’s favorite part is the village. He set it up last year, but likes it better when I do it. I was a grinchy grinch last year, so he did it himself, but this year he said I was in charge of it.

Preston has already rolled/backed himself into the Christmas tree and tried to pull it down on himself.

I’ve been in a bah humbug-type mood about Christmas thus far. Kind of like a what’s the point? about the tree and the decorating and the gifts and the baking. Christmas is a celebration of Jesus’ birth, so what does Santa Claus have to do with it? I’m bringing you down, aren’t I? Sorry about that, I’ve just been in Liliana mode — questioning everything. I try to keep most of it to myself, as Christmas is Noah’s VERY favorite time of year and I don’t want to ruin it for him.

The lights, though, aren’t they pretty?!

Oh, this year. It has been a hard one in many ways, but has also been the most incredible as well. Last year Noah and I did something that neither of us had done on purpose before. We decided to have a baby. I know how blessed/lucky/fortunate we are to be able to decide to have a baby and actually be able to have one. I have so many friends who struggle with this and it hurts my heart thinking about it. This is a subject very near and dear to me, being that my first pregnancy was very unplanned and very unwanted by everyone involved. (The whole being-pregnant thing was unwanted, not the baby. The baby was wanted from the first moment I learned of her existence.)

My pregnancy with Liliana was also unplanned, even though it happened when I was married. It was much more emotionally difficult than my first. I’d thought that the next time I had a baby, it would be a happy occasion, not one that heaped more shame and this-is-your-fault-ness on me. By the time Liliana was born, everyone was stoked about her arrival and it was a joyous, happy occasion, but the pregnancy itself was an emotional hell for me. I decided I never ever wanted to put myself through that ever again.

Two years ago, when Noah and I were going through marriage-ending hell, he mentioned something about wanting another baby. Not in a marriage-saving way, but in a family-completion way. I thought he was insane. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before. My pregnancies with my girls had been met with disappointment and anger. I’d never done this having-a-kid-on-purpose thing. Many months later, when we were living in Saskatoon, he brought the subject up again. Nine months AND ELEVEN DAYS later, Preston was born.

So how does this tie in to being more of a grown-up this year? I had a baby this year on purpose. I felt more grown-up being ready to have a kid on purpose. It’s something that grown-ups do, right? The whole deciding-to-have-a-family thing? It’s an immature and irresponsible thing to get unexpectedly pregnant, right?

(This isn’t to say that anyone who gets unexpectedly pregnant is immature and irresponsible, that’s just how others made me feel with my previous pregnancies. It’s how I felt.) (Although I’ll admit that being pregnant at 17 is immature and irresponsible, I like to think that I was mature and responsible in how I dealt with it after the fact.)

My pregnancy with Preston, although it was, by far, my toughest physically, was my most wonderful one emotionally. I went through a lot of emotionally hellish things while I was pregnant, but not related to the pregnancy itself. Noah was over the moon when I showed him the positive test. He was excited to hear about every prenatal appointment and he dreamed with me about what our child would be like. He was so much more impatient than I was when our due date came and went and then eleven more days went by. I love that we got to do that together.

We are done having babies now, and I am so grateful that I got to experience it this last time. (I feel like I have to mention that I’m grateful for my girls, too, but you already know that.) It’s funny, though, that even though we’re done with the whole having babies thing, we’re not done naming them. We have names abundant and speak of these hypothetical children often. Apparently both of us are insane.

As for the how-have-you-remained-childlike aspect of the question … have you met us? There is your answer.

1. Those of you who have been around these parts for a while will know about Noah’s December 1st rule. No Christmas decorations or music or anything will be in or around us or our house until December 1st. As in, the moment it turns December 1st, Noah is by the computer with his glass of egg nog, ready to play the first Christmas song of the year. He’s been doing this for as long as I’ve known him and he’s even got a following of people who are doing the same.

2. Kaylie is feeling much better today. As it turned out, the girl who cried wolf was actually sick this time. When she was crying in pain as she tried to go to bed, I decided to take her in to the ER. Poor girl. They did some tests and finally figured out what was wrong. The Children’s ER at RUH is pretty awesome. Kaylie and I got home with only moments to spare before December 1st.

3. I have a new post up at Canadian Family about those magical teething necklaces. If you have a teething child, or if you’re just curious, head on over there.

Okay. That’s it. Onward.

My Oreo-savvy friend Bethany invited me to join in a group that Kassie and Kristen created called Reverb Broads. From what I understand so far, it’s a month of blogging prompts that you’re free to use, should you so choose. I really like the flexibility of the group – that I don’t have to participate every day, because I just failed at NaBloPoMo and I didn’t want to put pressure on myself to not fail at something else. This actually sounds quite fun.

Anyway, here is the first prompt. If you like this idea and would like to join in, feel free! Just go to the public Facebook page and all the details are there.

If the you of today could go back in time and give advice to any of the previous yous, which age would you visit and what would you tell them?

I’m pretty sure I would go back and visit the 14-year-old me. I would give her some self-confidence, because she did not have a lick of it.

I would tell her to like what she likes even if she gets made fun of for it. I’d tell her to choose her hobbies based on what she wants to do, rather than what her friends do or what she thinks she should do. I’d tell her that it’s okay to do puzzles alone in her room while listening to books on tape.

I’d tell her that there is life after high school. I’d tell her, though, that even though there is life after high school, her high school grades will still be relevant so START STUDYING ALREADY. I’d tell her that it’s okay to be friends with people that other people think are nerds and losers. I’d tell her that those are the friends who will still be there for her in 10 years.

I’d tell her that if a boy breaks up with her because she won’t do what he wants, she is better off away from that boy. I’d tell her that if the next boy really liked her, he would respect her when she said “no”. I’d tell her that if that same boy doesn’t take no for an answer, to get as far away from that boy as she can. I’d tell her about sex and birth control because that little g-rated chat in school didn’t teach her a hot thing and she’s going to learn the hard way.

I’d tell her that it’s worth investing in relationships, because even though she’s been hurt real bad by girlfriends and boyfriends, she should not turn her heart off. I’d tell her to give her all, because when her heart goes cold, that is when she will start unintentionally hurting people and she is really going to regret it.

I’d tell her to be more gracious. I’d tell her to be less judgmental. I’d tell her to keep her hair long. I’d tell her to be more loving toward her siblings. I’d tell her to save part of her paycheck instead of spending it on payday. I’d tell her that learning to budget money will greatly benefit her.

I’d tell her to enjoy the size she is, because in three years she’s going to get pregnant and never see it again. I’d tell her that life is going to get really hard, but she will pull through and it will be worth it. I’d tell her that the world is so much bigger than her little town, but to enjoy her time there.

I’d tell her to stop caring what other people think and focus on the Lord and what He wants for her. I’d tell her that He has a plan and that He will carry it out until completion.

I’d tell her that one day she’ll enjoy sharing her life and thoughts publicly on the internet and she’ll have no idea what I’m talking about.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that this anniversary was our best ever. I mean, we didn’t do much to celebrate it, what with my recovering from Monday’s surgery and the whole I-hate-being-away-from-my-baby thing, but the reason it was so significant was because this past year has been our best ever. Good things and bad things have happened in our lives, but that has nothing to do with why this year was good or bad for us. This year was good because we were good. Our relationship was good. It was better than it has ever, ever been.

The years 2009 and 2010 were very, very rough relationally. I didn’t think we’d make it through. I was actually 100% sure we would not. But, somehow, only by the grace of God, we did. We’re here. And we’re not just here, we like being here. I might even say we love being here, but that word is still growing on me. (Wounds, man. They are still healing.)

The here and now and good did not come easy. We hit rock bottom and then we kept going and then we went down a little hill and then we got hit by a bus. And then a semi. And then we were sprayed by a skunk. I think you get the picture.

So, with nowhere to go but up, we started from scratch. It was very slow going, as we had a lot of hurt to work through, and sometimes I wanted to throw in the towel, but I’ll tell you that it was worth it. We’re not at a place where we get along perfectly all the time and there’s never a disagreement ever, but does anyone ever get there? We’re both doing our best. Fighting for a common goal.

If you’d told me six years ago the journey our marriage would take, I probably would have run away screaming. But here, now, six years in, I’m glad I didn’t. I kind of like it here.

we fell on hard times
this isn’t the ideal
we’re miles from home, doing the best that we can
I wont do this without you
wont do this without you so take heart
’cause you know that you have mine

Six years ago, we became husband and wife. I’ll be writing a post about this on Monday, as this anniversary is quite special to us.

(The following is a conversation I remembered as I was preparing to shave part of Noah’s head.)
(I say “part of”, as there is only hair on part of his head.)

Noah: “Your mom just played ‘ganoo’ in our Scrabble game. That isn’t even a word.”
Me: “You mean ‘gnu’? It is so a word.”
Noah: “Pft. It is not.”
Me (remembering a third grade spelling test): “Yes it is. The new gnu knew.”
Noah: “What? What the heck is a gnu?”
Me: “It’s like an ostrich. Or something.”

(It’s not an ostrich. Not even close.)