I Possess No Self Control
Seriously.
Not an ounce.
If I want something, I will have it. Cookies, donuts, hot chocolate, M&Ms … you get the idea. It is because of this lack of self-control that I have never lost weight. Ever. (You know, besides when two babies came shooting out - one at a time, six years apart.)
Okay I lied, there was one other time, but it was in college, I was sicker than a dog, green stuff was coming out both ends because the only thing I was consuming (and the only thing I could keep down for more than 3 minutes) was blue Powerade, I was in the hospital on liquid IV for four hours because of dehydration … need I continue?
And anyway, after that week-long sickness when 10 lbs magically disappeared (and I looked awesome), it magically re-appeared in three days. THREE! Not awesome.
So? This week I am starting on a journey to gain back some self control. (Gain back? Is it called gaining it back if I never possessed it in the first place?)
There is only one perfect solution to weight loss. Eating right + exercise + self control = weight loss. Easy, right? Riiiight.
When I was in highschool, I, like every other highschool girl, thought I was fat. I was 115 lbs. I started to panic any time the scale got toward the 120 lb mark. Idiot, I know. When I was pregnant with Kaylie, I gained a whopping 50 lbs for a total of 165. I ate a lot of half-cookie-dough-half-Oreo blizzards and whole boxes of KD.
After I had Kaylie, I thought the weight would just melt off. I was wrong. I stayed between 130-140 lbs until I got married and got pregnant with Liliana. I (thankfully) did not hit the 50 lb weight gain mark like I did with Kaylie. Again, I foolishly thought that the baby weight would just melt off after I had the baby. Again, I was wrong. So very wrong.
A lot of it is still there (I’m not tellin’ you how much), and I hate it. I do not fit any of my pre-pregnancy clothes, and it frustrates me immensely. But? I do not possess the self-control to do anything about it.
A while back, OMSH (check her out - she’s wonderfully awesome) posted about her struggles, and this struck me:
I’m a brat and I’m selfish.
I want what I want, when I want it - which is usually NOW.
Oh how that is SO TRUE of me! I say “nothing works for me” when I should be saying “I do not have the self-control to carry this through to completion”.
So? This week I am trying that soup diet thing. Partly to kick-start some weight loss, and partly to aid in my gaining some self-control. I’d like more of the former, but I NEED more of the latter. More of the latter will (hopefully) lead to more of the former. (Got that?)
I also made myself a schedule (that I am hoping to stick to) to help with the fitness part of losing weight because I am the worst time manager ever. (Just ask Noah.) The schedule is also to help out with the other random things that drive me mad.
On Friday, Laura (check her out, she’s also wonderfully awesome) came to my church and gave a presentation about time management to the ladies ministry that I recently stopped helping with. I was disappointed that I missed her amazing presentation, but I got Ann to take notes for me.
One thing she said that hit me was to get rid of things that annoy you. One thing that really annoys me is being late. I am late because I am racing around doing things I should have done earlier. (I am also a hardcore procrastinator.)
So, on this schedule of mine, I have put “making Kaylie’s lunch and Liliana’s bottles” on my To Do Before Bed list. Mornings are my worst time, so if I can do a little bit of my morning stuff the night before, life will be so much easier. (Sounds like common sense, right? Maybe I lack some of that too …) Getting up on time is going to help with that and maybe I can even schedule in an exercise video in the morning. Kaylie loves to do those with me. I enjoy it too because she doesn’t make fun of me like someone else who lives in my house would if I let him watch (which I won’t).
And how the heck am I going to pull this all off? A lot of prayer. Oh yes, I cannot do it without that. Because? Without prayer, it’s a lost cause. I can try to do things on my own, but it’ll be a lot easier if I have Someone way bigger, stronger, and wiser than me helping me out.
And now, since it’s 33 minutes past my 10:00pm bedtime, I’d better get to it. Wish (or pray if you’re the praying kind) me some luck will power!
Go for it! Also, good for you.
I just ate 2 cups of chocolate chips. My only reasoning is… hmmm.. maybe I’m pregnant? Which I’m NOT!
Elizabeth’s last blog post..This Kid
If I can lose weight so can you
Right now I’m at 131 lbs.. down from my 150 in Nov 07. I had no excuse. I just wasn’t doing any physcial and eating way to much junk food. The thing that got me headed in the right direction was http://www.sparkpeople.com Check it out.. It’s a great accountability for what you eat. Keep us updated!
Darci’s last blog post..A week’s worth of updating.
good luck Jen, im with you in the no self control, righ tnow i am about to eat subway…with cookies…and diet coke….hmm..maybe ill start after lunch :S
Chelsey’s last blog post..Chocolate bar? what Chocolate bar?I have no idea what you are talking about!
Good for you! It always helps when you have a plan! I’m sending you as much of my will-power as I can! (Which, really, isn’t a lot, I’m pretty low in that department myself!)
Meg’s last blog post..Mmm, tasty…
I’m totally in the same boat as you! Having the bebes less then 2 years apart hasn’t helped the equation, either. I’m sitting here eating a chimichunga as we speak (er, type?!) … send me some will power & I’ll send some right back at ya.
Good luck and make sure to let us know how it goes!
You can do it Jen! Praying for you!!!
Christy’s last blog post..Long overdue update!
I’m lame with the whole self control thing too. For instance, I had a pile of M & M peanuts on Sunday, two donuts on Monday and somewhere in those few days I also managed to eat a million chocolate chips.
sigh … good luck. If you happen to find an excess of self control, send a little my way.
Jen’s last blog post..Things that make you go …awwww!
Oh I hate being late as well. Being prepared will totally help you get rid of that annoyance. I so have much trouble saying no to certain foods myself
Laura’s last blog post..I’d love to stay and chat but I’m fighting the paper war…..
I am also in the no self control zone, I am pregnant with twins which makes it worse. Sadly, I ate 4 Cadbury full size creme eggs today, and now I am eating jelly beans out of my pocket, quietly so my kids can’t see! How sad is that!
House frau’s last blog post..The Mother of All Play Sets
What a great post, you are so honest!
I will keep you in my prayers!
Kristin’s last blog post..Our Little Leaper’s Arrival Story.
Beautiful girls!
mommyknows’s last blog post..Great Laundry Challenge Winner / Seven Days in a Week - Wednesday (3)
good luck with the diet thing, i’m terrible at self control as well (thus the three peanut butter cups last night). That journal entry is so cute!!! How old is liliana now? My lily is a swaddled baby as well and i’m wondering when i’ll go to, i’m starting to think about letting her cry at night, pretty sure she’s comfort feeding……maybe i’ll wait a little longer…..man i’m a chicken!
best journal entry line EVER!
and hope the infections n stuff get better : )
Victoria’s last blog post..Traction
[...] reality, I posess no self control. That is why every other diet had failed me I have failed every other diet I’ve ever tried. [...]