February 14, 2012
Why I hate Valentine’s Day
That boy who, upon receiving my Valentine’s Day gift, said “What’s this? Was I supposed to get you something?”
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That boy who thought it was a good idea to make me do things I didn’t want to do no matter how many times I said no and made me hate myself and anything to do with “romance”.
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That boy that made me fall in love with him and then completely abandoned me when I needed him the most.
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That time I naively thought that marriage vows included the line “I will never hurt you. Ever.”
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I suck at relationships. I think vulnerability is for weenies and people who have the ability to cry. I hate anything remotely romantic. I answer compliments with eye rolls. I despise anything that tells me when I have to be around something so-called “romantic”. I have a huge problem with authority when it comes to telling me what I have to do in my relationship and on what day I have to do it.
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(nothing to do with Valentine’s Day, but happened today anyway)
As we were getting ready to leave to get Kaylie, Liliana said to me:
“I don’t want to have Preston in our family anymore.”
It had something to do with his whining or something and we had a little chat about so what if Kaylie didn’t want you in our family?
“She wouldn’t do that. She likes me.”
***
My kids feel otherwise about this day, and we spent the last couple days making valentines for their classmates. And Kaylie was very stoked about her during-school-hours dance.
Liliana lay in bed tonight telling me that she does not want Valentine’s Day to end. “Can tomorrow be the next February 14th?”
***
Noah asked me this evening if he could get me a Valentine’s Day present. He was asking more financial-wise, as our budget is really tight and I’m the Budget Master. And I always say no when he wants to get me something. I finally caved and he happily left while I put the kids to bed. Before he left, I asked him if I was going to like the present. He gave me The Look as he headed out the door.
He came home an hour and a half later with a Harry Potter Lego book (squee!), beer (it’s been too long), and greasy food (exactly what I was craving). We sat on the living room floor eating and watching shows we’d DVR’d the previous couple weeks. (New Girl and Up All Night, FTW!)
Now this is a Valentine’s Day I can get on board with.
I’m going to ditto what Deborah said on Facebook.
You know, if you continue hating a day that is dedicated to love, you’re letting those stupid boys who hurt you continue to dictate your actions. When really, you could just be happy to spend Valentine’s Day with your beer and greasy food picnic with your husband who knows you well and loves you anyway. ;-)
Jen – when we’ve allowed ourselves to fall in love and have acquiesed to do some thing that we really did not want to do, we made a choice which at the time may have felt right. When that turns out to be wrong, we have a natural instinct to hate ourselves, which wastes so much energy. If we can find it in our hearts to forgive ourselves for being caught up in that situation, to forgive ourselves for making a decision that we later found out was wrong, then slowly our bitterness and hatred gets replaced by more positive energies. A doctor once asked me why I wasted my time on things and people that I can not control and who do not waste their time on me, as they have better things to do??? Good question! You have a lot of love to give and you freely give it every day. What a great feeling it is to love your children, spouse, family and friends and there is nothing better in world than them knowing how you love them. I suspect that they love you too. When you receive their love, they also feel very special…………..and that Noah certainly knows just how to treat his favorite girl !!!!
Love ya lots, J
hahaha this is awesome.
we watched the brave little toaster “for” valentine’s day.
plus it’s a good excuse for cheesecake.